narrowing the aperture

While Beth Ann Fennelly is describing the writing of poetry, she could be speaking about cyclocross racing:

“So we sit down at our desk, what needs to happen, it seems is a concentration reallocation. Instead of paying 5% of our attention to twenty things, we need to spend 100% of our attention on the One Big Thing, in this case, the emerging poem” [again, in the context of EuroCrossCamp, the cyclocross race itself].

We are here, deep in the heart of Flanders, to race cyclocross. As fast, as smooth, as hard as we can. The “One Big Thing” here, right now, is cyclocross racing.

We are strong this year. Our juniors are really coming in with confidence and serenity. Normally, the first weekend after the flight is mediocre. But, these guys are riding with ambition. Yesterday in Maldegem Luke Haley rode to a strong 6th and Lionel Rocheleau finished 8th. Yesterday in Namur, against the strongest junior of the season and world cup leader, Matthieu Van der Poel, Drew Dillman finished 6th, Logan Owen 7th, and Curtis White 10th.

We are getting there (in the results). We are here (in the moment).

Curtis White with Logan Owen close behind--mid-race (Tom Robertson photo)

“So,” Fennelly writes, “to return to our original question, what exactly is happening in our brains when we cease to become conscious of time? We are narrowing the aperture of our concentration to condense and magnify its power. We forget the daily distractions and enter into the poem [race] so deeply that a more radical forgetting takes place–the forgetting of fossilized languages that lead to writing, and thinking in, cliches. We also forget the inherited relationships between people and things that prevent us from achieving new insights, new metaphors. We can forget enough so the blinders of habits and the cobwebs of irony are stripped and we are faced with the born world, dewy and dazzle-dripping. We can, through the discipline of forgetting, regain the child’s eyes of wonder. We can train our souls to recover “‘radical innocence,’” as W. B. Yeats advises. We can do the impossible: live in the moment. Which is another way of saying: living in eternity.”

A big part of this Camp is learning how to narrow the aperture. While all the riders lead busy, productive lives with school, work, functions and fun, life during the Camp affords the opportunity to focus 100% on the “One Big Thing.” Not to say homework, a trip to the sandwich shop or other diversions aren’t part of the equation. But, learning how to race your bike fast is certainly at the forefront.

I remember thinking about this after the junior race in Koksijde a month or so ago. There I was on the line waiting for Drew Dillman to finish. Junior Van der Poel–who had caught and dropped two Belgians to win–had gone so deep, had “narrow[ed] his aperture” so acutely, that he zig-zagged from the finish line to the fencing. Once there, he propped himself up, and then buried his head and chest over stem and bars, heaving for a solid minute. The photographers seemed a bit miffed. No photo op. Just a heap of skin and bones collapsed on a top tube.

Completely and utterly spent.

Moments later, the two French guys who finished 5th and 6th came across in tears. Awhile later, on the podium, the Belgians couldn’t hide their dejection. Even Drew, though satisfied with his creditable 17th, hungered for higher. Clearly, these guys want it. And at this level, anything less than a 100% is off the podium.

Not everyone is cut out for this life. For Americans especially, there are a million-and-one worthy things to pursue. But I do think it’s an important rite: to experience–even just for a little while, no matter the medium or one’s age or stage in life–the purity of pursuing One Big Thing with all of one’s worth.

the "One Big Thing" (Tom Robertson photo)

Big races coming! to Netherlands tomorrow with U23′s and Elites; then Diegem, Balagem, Zolder, Loenhout, Bredene, Leuven, Baal.

until next time,

GP